Fate is a Rather Twisted Lady
by PsychoticSushi
Summary: It's bad enough all Avril inherited was a flimsy dagger that's not even sharp. What's worse? That guy she hit with her car seems to want it, BAD. When it takes them all the way to ancient Japan, it's pretty clear that they're...Well, screwed.
1. I'll Scream Rape!

**Okay, this is my first POP fic (obviously, the movie just came out, but anyway) so if it seems like a Mary-Sue, just bear with me, alright?**

**I have 23 OC stories, so i pretty much make a hobby out of ridding FanFiction of OCs whenever possible.**

**So trust me, I shall do my best to please!**

**Thanks, and enjoy!**

* * *

Avril sighed and gazed at the longest red light in history, adjusting her rearview mirror.

Time between jobs was always annoying as hell; all she could eat was fricking fast food. Don't get her wrong, she loved fast food, but not for weeks on end.

She had In-N-Out last night, and it looked like tomorrow was going to be a Wendy's night. Great.

After the red light from hell, she turned the corner and had JUST accelerated when her car (_Yellow Jeep with the windows down. Oh yes._) somehow collided with some random guy who decided it'd be _hilarious_ to just walk in front of her car.

"Holy shit! Holy shit!" She repeated over and over as she hit the brakes, jumped out of her car, and checked on the poor guy.

He didn't look so good. He appeared to be unconscious. Avril pulled him into a standing position and waved anxiously at the people who stopped to help. "He's fine, he's fine, he's not pressing charges, it's cool!"

She shoved him into her car and sped to the nearest hospital. On the way there, she checked her rearview mirror every five seconds.

One of these times, he finally blinked his eyes open, and she laughed nervously as he seemed to spazz for a moment.

"Okay, look, dude, I'm so sorry for hitting you, _please_ don't press any charges-"

"Where are we? What manner of transportation is this?" He asked groggily.

"Umm...On the way to the hospital. And this is a car." _Idiot_.

"Hospital...Car.." He repeated in confusion.

"Hospital? Where you get treated for random stuff that might kill you? And car, the big metal thing that you WALKED IN FRONT OF! What the HELL was that about, by the way?"

His hand shot up to his right temple, which was bleeding a lot more than she liked. "Ah, please, don't screech like that. It hurts like hell."

"Screech? SCREECH? I do NOT screech!" She shouted defensively. _Shouted- NOT screeched!_

Although, her _brakes_ sure did screech as she slammed on them; they were here.

In a flash, Avril was pulling him out of her Jeep. "Quickly, quickly, keep it moving! I _really_ don't feel like cleaning a ton of blood stains out of my car. The LAPD would flip."

"LAPD?"

"Oh, jeez, I hit you harder than I thought. LAPD, the Los Angeles Police Department. The crappiest police force in the United States, minus Reno."

"United States? Reno? Stop confusing me with this weird dialect of yours! I need to speak with you about something of importance I noticed in your 'car'," he said raggedly.

"And what would that be? Y'know, because I just _love_ answering the nosy questions of random strangers."

As they walked through the sliding doors, Avril supporting some of his weight, several nurses ran to their aid.

_I should bring guys like him on every hospital visit; this is fricking ridiculous! _She thought moodily as they fauned over him.

"Well, I can see you're fine now. Later," she said as she headed back for the exit.

"Wait, don't go just yet!" He called out.

Avril turned to look at him, a little surprised. Although the glares on the nurses' faces was pretty funny, this guy annoyed her with his weird way of speaking.

And those warrior-esque clothes? They weren't helping any.

Obviously he'd been on set in the hot Hollywood sun for too long.

She simply gave him a half-wave before heading through the sliding doors. "Thanks for not pressing charges!"

_**

* * *

**_

_**FIFTY-NINE ****MINUTES LATER...**_

"Sorry, sorry, traffic was murder and you know I can't talk and drive at the same time! Yes. Yes. Yeah, mom. Yeah. No, I kicked him out five weeks ago. What? _No_, I'm not _pregnant_! Chyeah, why would I take offense to THAT? Whatever. Okay, bye. Bye. Love you too- ...Okay. Okay, bye. Bye. Mom, I'm hanging up. Okay, I'm- MOM! Argh, whatever."

She slid her phone shut and fumbled for the keys to her apartment while avoiding Mrs. Jamison's dog, yipping around her heels.

Some days she just wanted to punt that thing down the stairs.

As soon as Avril got inside, she plopped the huge bag of Chinese on her counter with a relieved sigh. "Yes. She arrives home unscathed!"

Since she had been stuck in rush hour for almost an hour- _Ha! Rush hour, __for__ an hour. Funny._- she stuck her food in the microwave and fixed some sweet tea.

She may have moved away from the South, but it'd always be her home, and sweet tea would _always_ be her favorite drink. Besides alcohol. Alcohol was good, too.

After downing half a glass, she dug into her bag. She finally found what she had been looking for, and held it up to the crappy fluorescent lighting for dramatic effect and out of utter boredom.

After her grandfather's funeral back in Tennessee earlier in the week, Avril's grandmother had called her and told her he had something in his will left to her.

_This _was the only item; a dagger. It came in the mail, as she had been told it would. Avril sighed and turned it over between her fingers.

"Great. _This_ was all he left me. Guess sis was right; I _was_ his least-favorite grandkid!"

Her microwave beeped, and she ran to get her food out before the third beep; it was just one of her quirks.

She twirled some lo mein on her plastic fork, staring thoughtfully at the dagger. Then she sighed heavily. "At least I have Ebay."

Avril was about to turn on her computer when she heard something sliding. She looked around and deduced it was coming from her den window.

She gripped her utensil tightly, slurping a little more lo mein before heading into the room. Sure enough, there was something hanging in front of her window.

"This better not be some weird hoax, like that one magician guy from last Halloween who did some freaky-ass stunt in that same spot," she warned no one in particular.

Whatever it was broke her window and jumped in, and she felt her blood boil as she realized it was the guy she had nearly run over today.

"The _hell_? There's this wonderful invention called a _door_, dumbass! Dammit, that's gonna set me back a TON of bucks."

Good thing she was selling that dagger, then...

He looked her over as she angrily slurped up the rest of the noodle that was dangling out of her mouth, and his gaze lingered on her fork, which was in her left hand and poised to strike.

"I mean you no harm, woman. I just wish to retrieve my dagger."

Avril's angry look intensified. "YOUR dagger? Look here, guy, my grandaddy left me that dagger, and you have NO RIGHT to-"

"So you _do_ have it?" He asked excitedly.

Her face fell. "...Damn. I shouldn't have said that."

She stared at him.

He stared at her.

Without another word, she ran into the kitchen and dove for the dagger as he grabbed her by the wrist.

Avril kicked at him angrily, and when he finally let go, she jumped over him and onto the nearby couch.

While he was getting up, still a bit weary from getting hit by her car earlier, she tried to think of a good place to stash it.

The stranger attempted to grab it again, and seeing no other way to get him to stop, Avril shoved it down her shorts.

* * *

He paused and stared at her in disbelief. "Did you just..."

"Uh, yeah, I did. Will you stop trying to kill me now? Jeez, a little personal space, is that too much to ask?"

He continued to stare at her, and as she was about to continue her ranting, he lunged for her yet again.

"I don't care _what_ it takes, I _will_ reclaim my dagger!" He shouted.

"It's _not_ your dagger!" She shouted back, struggling.

They fell off her couch, and he pinned her to the ground. She continued to struggle, and kneed him in the groin, but he just winced a little and his adrenaline kept him going.

"Don't you dare! Don't think for a damned second that I won't scream rape, 'cause I sure as hell will!"

She let out an outraged scream as he attempted to fumble for the dagger, as if she hadn't said anything. Even though he hadn't touched it just yet, something on the dagger gave way.

"RAPE! RAPE! RAAAAAAPPPPEE!"

A weird rushing noise surrounded them, and he kept a tight grip around her hips as she felt the ground disappear below her.

_**

* * *

**_

_**MOMENTS ****LATER...**_

It was much colder now. When she dared to open her eyes, she saw why. It was snowing. "Ho. Ly. Crap. I am _definitely_ not in California anymore."

Her attacker was momentarily stunned as well, and she took the opportunity to slap his hands away and wriggle out of his grip, hopping up and panting angrily.

"_You_."

He looked up, and his expression changed into one that clearly read "I'm In Deep Shit NOW, Aren't I?"

Couldn't say Avril blamed him; one hand was on her hip, the other was holding the dagger, her normally dark brown eyes were glinting amber angrily, and her auburn hair had fallen out of her lazy ponytail.

She was NOT a happy camper, and she knew she certainly looked the part.

"This is _all_ your fault, pervert! Reaching your hand down my shorts like that. What the hell's WRONG with you? Ever heard of common decency? Oh, I guess not...You have a rugged beard-like thing!"

He stared at her, then blinked slowly. "Er...What? What does my facial hair have to do with _anything_, woman?"

"I dunno, it just does. Now stop asking stupid questions, it's MY turn to ask some!"

His expression suddenly changed, as if he was just now processing that he wasn't exactly making a good impression on her. "What is it you'd like to know?" He asked slowly, his eyes fixed on the dagger.

Avril tossed the dagger from hand to hand. "First off, what the hell just happened? And who the hell are you? And why the hell do you talk like that? And what the hell's so great about this flimsy little dagger? And why won't you stop looking at it? If you love this dagger so much, why don't you _marry_ it?"

By the time she was through, she was more-or-less yelling at him, and he just stared at her. "...Woman?"

"WHAT."

"You are quite unsettling."

"I get that a lot. And my name's Avril, so you can drop all that 'woman' crap," she informed him, adjusting her tank top from where he had hitched it up during their struggle.

"Avril, eh?"

"Yeah, like the singer, I know, I know. Take it up with my mom, it was _her_ idea."

"I know of no singer by the name of 'Avril'."

Her eyebrows shot up, and she sat on a nearby and randomly-placed boulder. "_Now_ I'm curious. Who the hell _are_ you? And where do you live, under a rock?"

* * *

"My name is Dastan. And I do not live under a _rock_, I hail from _Persia_."

Avril looked around for the first time, and realized she was sitting under a cherry blossom tree. It was getting dark, but in the distance she could make out weirdly-shaped buildings.

They looked strangely like...

Her eyes widened. "No way. No. Fricking. WAY."

Dastan followed her gaze and stared at the buildings as well. "What?"

"Those are...pagodas and such."

"...Okay..."

"A lot of pagodas...not just the usual amount for tourism...So I deduce that we're...HOLY CRAP!"

Dastan jumped at her sudden increase in volume. "What the _hell _is your problem?"

"We're in...We're in Feudal Japan! I swear, this looks JUST like Inuyasha!"

"Inuyasha? What the hell is that?"

Avril waved him off. "Nothing, nothing. Hey, wait a minute...Where'd you say you were from?"

"Persia. Were you not listening?"

"No, I kinda tuned you out. I do that sometimes." She crossed her legs and stared at him thoughtfully. "Y'know...I'm not exactly a geography wiz, but I'm about 90% sure that Persia doesn't exist anymore."

Avril reflexively winced as he pointed an accusing finger at her with an angry glare on his face. "You _lie_, you strange woman!"

"Um...Noooo...I'm usually quite honest."

"That's not...I'm...You..." Avril didn't even bother making sense out of that sentence as he yelled at the sky with frustration.

Both of them watched with wide eyes as several lanterns could be seen in the distance, and faint hoofbeats pounded toward them.

"Hey, Dastan?"

"...Yes?"

"...Perhaps it wasn't the brightest idea to shout like that."

* * *

**Haha. Well, that's the first chap. I tried. **

**Lemme know how you liked it! Or hated it. That's cool too.**

**Either way, please review!**

**Thanks! Later.**


	2. Perverted Feudal Ebay!

**Cool! Thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts. **

**Hahaha, glad someone knew what InuYasha was! Although, how you couldn't, i dunno. Haha glad i could make your day :)**

**I even thank those two who flamed me. It made me and my friend laugh, don't ask me why, but it did! :D**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Avril shook her head at him, eyes narrowed. "Look what you did. LOOK! Now they're gonna put our heads on a pike, thanks to you and your damn vocals!"

"Yours, perhaps," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"I didn't utter a word," he said innocently.

"That's what I _thought_." She was about to say more, but the hoofbeats were much closer, and she shrunk back against the rock as a samurai and a couple dudes arrived.

And they did NOT look happy. Although, from her limited knowledge of Feudal Japan (Sources include InuYasha, Fatal Frame, and random movies), the two guys seemed to be rich. Warlords, perhaps? Damn, she hoped not, or else they were BEYOND screwed.

She hid her dagger in the BACK of her shorts this time as they started shouting in Japanese.

_Shit, we really ARE beyond screwed. He's Persian, I'm American...CRAP! I told mom learning Japanese and Indian would pay off, but she didn't listen, dammit!_

Avril's jaw then dropped as Dastan actually replied to them...in Japanese.

"What the..." She decided it was best not to question it and watched him work his magic.

* * *

Now he could finally get rid of the strange woman, who was currently looking at him in amazement.

How easily impressed this woman is. Did she not know that to be a Prince also calls for being an ambassador? Meaning he and his brothers had learned over 36 languages?

"I intend no harm, I assure you, gentlemen. I am merely a lost Prince."

They looked him over. "Prince?" The samurai spat.

He nodded. "I hail from Persia!" He declared, thrusting out his arms for emphasis. The nobleman on the samurai's left nodded slowly. "That would explain your strange garb. What about the woman? Is she your wife?"

He nearly spat out "HELL no!", but instead smiled broadly. "No, good sirs. In fact, she intends ME harm. The woman is insane; she claims she traveled from another time!"

"That would get a woman killed around here, Prince!"

They started laughing at her, and she glared at Dastan. "What the hell did you say about me?" She hissed.

"I am negotiating with your life," he informed her casually.

"The FUCK! WHAT?"

He smiled even bigger at the men. "She is of no importance to me. I shall hand her over to you in exchange for a horse and sword, perhaps some warm clothes."

The larger of the noblemen stroked his chin thoughtfully, then hopped off his horse and strolled over to the woman.

The look on her face as he circled her, fingering her hair and strange clothes, was utterly priceless.

She slapped his hand away, huffing moodily. "Paws off, big boy!"

They laughed at her weird dialect. "What a strange foreign woman!"

"Feisty, is she not, Master?" The samurai asked in amusement.

The two nobles exchanged a decisive nod, and the smaller one looked at Dastan. "We shall allow you to stay for the night. We shall take her, as well, and give you your rewards in the morning."

"Thank you, kind sirs," he replied as he bowed respectively.

Avril's eyes widened as the two men grabbed her by the arms, and she whipped her head around to look at Dastan.

"YOU BASTARD!"

He simply waved goodbye. "I shall see you in the morning to claim my reward."

"REWARD? What the hell did you say to them? DAAAASTAAAAANNN!" She shrieked rather angrily as they dragged her over to the samurai, who slung her onto his horse before galloping off.

"...She is _quite _a spitfire. I do believe she shall fetch a _fine _price, and make an even finer geisha."

The larger noble smacked him upside the head. "Have you lost your mind? No geisha has fire-colored hair! And constantly dyeing it would be too costly. No, most likely she will fetch a fine price as a wife for a warlord. Wives are in high supply this season."

Dastan followed them with a puzzled expression. These were quite a pair of businessmen.

* * *

"DAMMIT, LET ME GO!" She shrieked for the umpteenth time as she and the samurai arrived at a manor.

There was a woman outside, shivering in her thin kimono, and nodded to the man with a smirk as she told him something.

He laughed heartily as he dropped Avril, making her land flat on her ass with an "Oof!"

She stood up, brushed herself off, and huffed at the woman. "What did you say to him? Oh crap, right, you're Japanese."

"I simply told him to do as you demanded and let you go," she replied in English. Pretty smooth English, too.

Avril pointed at the woman. "HEY! You speak English!" She shouted as if the woman didn't know that.

"Why, yes...I do.." She replied slowly before approaching Avril. "Come. I believe the cold is beginning to corrupt your mind. The obvious seems to escape you."

Avril was about to snap at her that that was NORMAL for her, but she was freezing her ass off anyways, so she let herself be dragged off.

Plus, the woman had a surprisingly strong grip.

_**

* * *

**_

_**LATER****...**_

The nobleman raised his sake cup to Dastan with a grin. "To Prince Dastan, for our lovely present!"

There were shouts of agreement as everyone downed their drinks, and he nodded appreciatively before downing his own.

After a few more rounds, the smaller nobleman stood. "So. Who shall go first?"

Several men stood up, and soon started shouting at each other.

"What are they arguing over?" Dastan asked the larger nobleman, who was shaking his head at their general direction.

"Inspecting the merchandise."

"Merchandise...What do they inspect?"

"Drunken men closely observing a pretty young woman in an enclosed area. You tell me, Prince," he replied. His tone was laced with disgust.

Dastan looked at the men in disbelief. He knew this happened in Persia too, but at brothels. Not just to any woman.

As if reading his thoughts, the man laughed. "Prince, you're the one who sold her. They can do whatever they like. It is all business here."

He admittedly felt a tiny twinge of regret, no matter how strange and annoying she had been, but that regret grew into hatred of his own stupidity. That woman still had his dagger.

He stood up. "I would like to be the first to inspect the merchandise," he proclaimed.

Everyone stared at him. The small nobleman, who Dastan guessed was the one running the operation, scoffed. "Not to be rude, your Highness, but you _had _your chance to inspect the merchandise. You sold it to me. Therefore, I am afraid allowing you to _inspect _it would be allowing you to _buy _it. Which would be a refund. I do not give refunds. To _anyone_."

"It? She is a human being!"

He laughed. "_Now _the Prince gets a conscience, after you sold her to me without a second thought. And now you lecture me about humanity! That seems a bit hypocritical, eh?"

His potential customers laughed as well, and Dastan sighed. He obviously wasn't getting out of this unscathed.

_**

* * *

**_

_**MEANWHILE****...**_

The woman, Nigira, had seen to it that Avril got a hot bath. When she was done, she slipped on the yukata waiting by the reed screen and slipped the dagger within the sash tie before sighing contentedly.

When Avril slipped into the adjoining room, she noticed she wasn't the only girl here. All were Asian, obviously, and were wearing bold makeup and majestic kimonos. They looked almost...regal.

Nigira and a girl younger than even Avril scurried up to her, pulling her along. "Quickly, we must get you ready."

"Ready? For what? Oooh, oooh, are we going to watch a sumo match or something?" She asked excitedly.

The two exchanged a look, and Nigira sat her onto a stool as she and the other girl started brushing her hair.

From fighting off Dastan, to _yelling _at Dastan, and to trying to get off the samurai's horse, her hair had endured quite a bit.

"Do you not know where you are, Miss?"

"You can call me Avril."

"Avril...I see. You...You are now part of an important trade."

Avril froze and looked at Nigira's reflection. "...Trade?"

She nodded, using a comb to get her bangs off the right side of her face while she tried to get all the tangles out of the rest of her hair.

"Yes. A trade."

She waited for her to continue before finally sighing impatiently. "Okay, yes, AND? What KIND of trade?"

"Why, anything a woman might be needed for. In your case, you are being auctioned off as a mistress, I believe."

"What the-...No, I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding. See, I came here with Dastan. You know, the Prince of Persia?"

"I am afraid I am not familiar with Persian royalty, but all the same...If you are here, he most definitely sold you to Roku and his brother, Kenji. They run this business, and I am Roku's wife," she explained quickly.

She jumped out of the stool, slapping away the girl's hand as she tried to apply some lipstick and powder on Avril's face.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!"

Nigira nodded. "Perhaps you are right. We should get you in your kimonos first, to ensure your face powder does not rub onto the silk while slipping it on."

"Uh, NO, we have a HUGE misunderstanding here! I am NOT for sale, he is NOT my owner, and I will NOT go to the highest bidder! What is this, Perverted Feudal Ebay? This is _just _like Taken. Have you never seen Taken? I bet you _any minute _either Liam Neeson, Dastan, or even MY DAD will kick that stupid sliding door down and get me outta here!" She yelled, stomping her stockinged foot for emphasis.

Right on cue, they heard clattering and groaning. A few moments later, Dastan flew right into the sliding door, and it came right off its hinges.

A few men tried to grab him, but he used some rather fancy stunts to fend them off. Avril rolled her eyes and simply hit othe last one over the head with a gong, and Dastan blinked.

She glared at the Prince. "YOU, sir, are in MAJOR shit."

* * *

"We have to get out of here."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

"I...am not a captain, I am a prince."

She sighed impatiently as they heard more men approaching. "Just get me outta here, would ya?"

He yanked her through the bathing room and out the back door. They stuck to the shadows, creeping along to the front of the manor as quickly as possible, and were about to make a break down the dirt path into the woods when Avril noticed something.

A devious look crossed her face, and she headed straight for the samurai's horse. "Re-VENGE, bitch!"

She tried to get up onto the horse, but the yukata was a huge problem.

She looked to Dastan, who was currently smirking like an idiot at her pathetic attempts. "...Help."

He rolled his eyes and swung onto the horse before yanking her up. They heard fast Japanese yelling as the clinking swords and heavy footsteps drew near, and he glanced back at her.

"You might need to hold on."

She narrowed her eyes. "Like HELL I'm gonna do that stupid move, like in the movies, where the damsel in distress holds onto the horseback rider for dear life as they escape certain- AHHHHHH, OKAY, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!" She yelled as the horse reared back before galloping off.

Avril gripped him by the shoulders, then took the opportunity to smack him upside the head. "Ow!"

"When we stop moving, you're DEAD! Selling me? What the hell!"


	3. I Do Believe You're Warming Up To Me

**I'm finally back! Took me long enough, eh?**

**Well, enjoy!**

* * *

Avril didn't want to make herself hoarse shouting at him above the wind and all (What if she needed saving from this psychopath giving her a ride, HELLO?), so it was quiet for a while.

She was exhausted and freezing (this yukata was letting a lot more of a draft in than she'd like), but quite frankly was smart enough to not fall asleep on the back of a horse with a guy who really wanted her dead and out of his way.

But she _was _cold. So instead of gripping him by the shoulders (which was really uncomfortable, to be honest), she let her hands and arms wrap around his waist, blocking the wind off her face by moving it right behind his shoulder, touching his back.

...Don't judge, she was cold, remember?

Besides, Dastan did enough judging for everyone. "Woman?"

"Avril."

"Woman?"

She sighed. "What?"

"I do believe you're warming up to me," he commented. She could practically see his smug grin just by the tone in his voice.

"Oh really? I guess you'll see once we stop moving."

_**

* * *

**_

_**THIRTY-SEVEN ****MINUTES LATER...**_

As soon as they stopped, Avril slid off the horse before dragging him off and slapping him in the face.

Poor Dastan didn't stand a chance, she moved too fast.

"THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? SELLING ME? WHAT THE _FUCK_!" She screeched.

He held his hands as if trying to calm her down. "Careful, lower your voice before they find us!"

"YOU BETTER HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE THAT THEY DO, 'CAUSE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU NEVER TRIED TO GRAB MY DAMN DAGGER!"

"That's _my _dagger," he corrected.

She glared at him, hands on her hips, then punched his arm. "Ow! What's the meaning of all this hitting?"

"You...You DUMBASS! I still can't _believe _you! You SOLD ME!"

He shrugged. "How was I to know what they wanted with you? It isn't like you _mean _anything to me."

"Yeah, well, you mean something to _me_."

Dastan grinned. "Is that so?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You mean the sheer embodiment of a PAIN IN MY ASS!"

He winced, then sighed exasperatedly. "If that's so, why not just hand over my dagger? Then I shall be on my way and you won't have to ever see me again."

"WHY DO YOU KEEP- ...Wait, _what_?"

"You heard me. I speak rather fluent English."

Avril stared at him, and he shivered despite himself. And it wasn't just from the cold. It almost felt as if she was staring right through him, seeing every little detail about himself.

He didn't like it.

Finally, she dug the dagger out from the sash of her slightly-less-strange new garb, holding it out to him.

Dastan eyed her suspiciously, and she glared at him. "What? I don't _like _having a pain in my ass. Take it."

He moved to do so, and his fingers were just about to grip it when she suddenly jerked it back. She smirked to herself before smiling innocently at him.

"You know...I think I like pissing you off even more. See, if I let you have this, you'd win. And we'd never be even for you trying to sell me. SO...I think I'll keep this and make you suffer."

Dastan looked like he wanted to strangle her. Probably did, but still. "Woman, I'm warning you, give it to me or I shall take it through force."

She scoffed. "I'd like to see you try."

He grinned mischieviously, sensing a challenge. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

Avril nodded. "I'll give you that, you're probably right." She then casually plopped the dagger inside her yukata, against the sash but in a much harder place for him to reach.

She smirked at the expression on his face. "...But neither do you."

_**

* * *

**_

_**TEN ****MINUTES LATER...**_

She was currently perched in a tree. Freezing. In a very flimsy robe.

Well, at least she was wearing underwear.

Dastan was looking up at her as if she were insane. "Why are you hiding in the tree?"

Avril glared at him. "I'm not HIDING, I'm sitting. Perching, really."

"Why?"

"I got tired of fighting you. No one had the upper hand."

He smirked. "Speaking of which, where did you learn to fight like that?"

"Fight like what?"

"Like an improviser."

She shrugged. "I'm a stunt-double part time. You have to learn stuff like that." He looked rather confused. "Stunt-double? What sort of occupation is that?"

"It's where you do the action scenes, such as fighting and getting injuries and falling, that the actors can't do."

"Actors?"

Avril sighed. "You ask too many questions. If I come down, are you gonna attack me? My ass is numb."

He couldn't help but laugh a little. "I suppose not. I would rather fight you when you are a full challenge."

She jumped down not-so-gracefully, rubbing her aforementioned numb ass. "Thank god for you and your insane amount of pride."

Dastan let that one slide, trying to see where exactly the dagger was located for future reference.

Avril was too busy tending to her ass to notice.

"Do all women from your time learn to fight like that? And how to properly jump out of a tree?"

"Well, not all. Fellow stunt-doubles and gymnasts do, I know that. As for jumping out of a tree...I'm from the South. We learn stuff like that from our daddies and brothers, just like mine taught me about firecrackers and low-grade bombs."

"...What?"

"Not DANGEROUS ones! We grew up in a place with zero entertainment sources, explosives were about all we had."

"Explosives. You handled explosives as a child," he clarified.

She nodded casually. "Still do sometimes. But just for fun." Seeing as they were off the road and it was pretty much dead quiet, instead of getting on the horse Dastan just kind of led it.

Avril wouldn't have gotten on anyway. Her ass had already suffered enough on that stupid snow-covered tree.

"What kind of explosives?"

She grinned at how interested he was. "Y'know, fireworks and stuff. Although, I do remember a little tradition we had with cannons."

* * *

"Cannons," he repeated.

She pointed a finger at him. "If I'm gonna explain things, you have GOT to stop repeating everything. It's distracting. Do it in your head if you absolutely have to."

Avril shook her head before continuing. "But yeah, cannons. During the Civil War, which I'll explain later before you even ask me about it...See, when the Yankees marched through Alabama, they tried to destroy our metal-formin' capabilities by placing barrels of powder underneath the anvils. Of course, all that managed to do was blow 'em sky-high for a few seconds."

He nodded as if he understood, but she knew he was still pretty in the dark about some of the terms.

"So...in _honor_ of that act of sheer stupidity, we would all get together to re-create it for the tourists. Me, my brothers, my daddy, and a few of our friends. We'd shoot anvils out of the old Civil War cannons out back...And momma would stay inside with the littler kids, and my sisters, and take cover. Usually she was already adding up the cost of repairs."

She paused to cough and pop her knuckles before continuing.

"A couple times, my grandaddy even came down from Tennessee to participate. Big fan of explosives, he was. And then we all went down to the battlefield to watch our daddies and uncles do the Civil War Reenactment," she explained with a hint of a laugh.

Dastan was silent for a minute, then glanced at her. "Woman?"

"Avril."

"...You may be a 'pain in my ass', but I must admit your culture truly puzzles and amazes me."

She smirked. "If that's your way of saying 'You're odd and stubborn, but I like it. And plus, your accent is awesome.' ...Then thanks."

He grinned, but then she cleared her throat before pointing a finger at him. "But you're _still _in deep shit."

His face fell into an annoyed glare so fast that she couldn't help but laugh.


End file.
